We've all seen them. Chesters driving the shady van that even your uncle wouldn't drive, and he's a two-time felon. Welcome to Shady Vans!
Holey moley. Is that a freakin’ heart?
That’s a custom window job there, Shady. Nothing defeats the spirit of hope in a youngster than seeing a bleak amount of sunlight poke through a heart-shaped window. Painting the van black can’t hurt either — it must get to be 106 degrees in there in the summer.
Shady Rating [...]
On the top of a nice glen, this tartan-covered RV is on the lookout for young Scottish lads.
Shady Rating = 6.8.
Making your own enclosed “private” room for your truck bed doesn’t make it a shady van. Shady? Yes. Van? No.
But worth mentioning nonetheless.
Shady Rating = 3.
“First Student?” Someone’s keeping track of their progress in a very public way. Get a notebook, chester.
Shady Rating = 6. Too many windows for a higher raiting. Parked close to a park, which is shady, but the parallel parking job too inefficient for a quick getaway. Boooooooo!
Comedian and writer Michael Ian Black lists his Top 8 Custom Vans on Best Week Ever. Hilarious.
Big Bear Van. Nothing lures the kiddos like a big black bear sniffing for flesh. Way to go. Points for windowlessness and a driver’s side “step-up” for a fast getaway. Shady Rating = 8.9.
Also, where is this van parked? [...]
Possible reasons for such a low-sitting van?
Purposefully lowered to allow for an easier step-up for young, short legs?
Too many bags of candy?
King-size mattress?
Or, the one thing we’re all thinking, but are too ashamed to say… stacks of bodies?
In any case, Shady Rating = 8. (Too many windows, er, escape hatches, to get a full, glorious [...]